I know you're never supposed to lobby for your own nickname. It's one of those unwritten rules of sports.

Like players are not supposed to date the cheerleaders. Or pre-game ceremonies should never incorporate a gladiator.

But I do want a new nickname. From this point forward, I want to be known as "The Swiffer".

That's because all I seem to cover is sweeps in the Stanley Cup playoffs. I'm on the verge of covering my second straight 4-game sweep involving the Pittsburgh Penguins.

I know "The Swiffer" is not the most masculine nickname in professional sports circles, but it's pretty accurate. And it's better than being called "The Broom". That is so 2001. "The Swiffer" reflects the fresh, hip and cutting edge approach we are taking at Sportsnet.

And since I am now Sportsnet's resident expert on covering sweeps, I want to pass along a few things to my fellow reporters in the industry.

#1. For TV Reporters: Keep all of your scripts from previous series sweeps that you cover. I don't want to sound lazy, but I've simply replaced the word "Senators" with "Rangers" in this round and all of my scripts are good to go. I just need to be careful to proof everything twice. Would be quite embarrassing to say New York needs more production from Heatley and Spezza.

#2. For Newspaper Reporters: You can write your stories a day in advance without even interviewing the players. For tomorrow's paper you can quote any Penguins player as saying, "Well the fourth game is always the toughest to win. They've got a lot of pride in their room and we don't expect them to hand it to us.". And if you need something from a Rangers player down 0-3, you can go with the timeless classic, "We need to take this a game at a time. It's been done before and we have to leave everything on the ice." Be sure to make the obigatory mention of the '42 Maple Leafs and the '75 Islanders and you are set.

#3. For Radio Reporters: I don't really have any advice for you when it comes to covering a sweep. But I would like to know why you guys carry microphones that have your station logo on them. You are not a visual medium and you are simply getting free advertising from us in TV. So I am now encouraging all TV reporters in the industry to make loud clucking or cackling noises the next time you see a radio interview going on. We need to fight back.

#4. For The Bloggers: When watching a sweep unfold, this your chance to churn the rumor mills with unfounded gossip that makes for great reads. Now would be a good time to have a friend in the real estate industry who says Jaromir Jagr has put his Upper West Side condo up for sale. Stuff like that is gold.